Biopsy, A liverly experience.

Day 2 of anxiety. Now the surgeon is thoroughly pissed of with me (I ask too many questions) and thinks that my operation would be more of a liability than success that he can show around. Compounded with multiple queries from various other doctors, he thinks that a biopsy would be more fruitful. So here we are, at Raheja romancing with another doctor with attitude willing to insert needles in my liver. I must say that having serious illness does has its advantage. For example I have visited all major hospitals in Mumbai by now, Jaslok, Lilavati, Raheja, you name it.

Getting on with biopsy the doctor is trying to humour me.
"what do you do for living Srinivas?"
"umm.. it is difficult to explain, you sure you want the answer?"
"sure, I have time"
"I am IT architect"
"oh there is such a thing?"
"see I told you.."
Doctor by this time looses the interest and takes out real long needle and stabs in my abdomen. It hurts like hell, even with local anaesthetic. I was going to ask him what he did for living, I think he guessed it and wanted me to shut-up. These livewire procedures are not for the people with weak heart, l mean if you look at the size of needle there are good chances that you'd faint.
I endure it, old military training comes handy. After the needle is in the liver, doctor has free hand to take out as much tissue he likes. There is this chuga-chug sound when he is taking out the stuff. Once the sound stops you are ready to kiss your wife good-bye, they declare, its over. He asked me to sleep on my stomach and after half hour there's a small blood spot on the cover. Now I know why they call biopsy as 'traumatic' procedure. One more scan to confirm that my liver is functioning (or not..) and we are out. Coming out I warned everyone about cracking jokes on my posture (I was sleeping on my stomach in hunched position). Outside an old man told me that I should not worry, he had his biopsy done just now & it didn't hurt. I was going to tell him that this was my first baby so I am little inexperienced. Good sense prevailed. I said nothing.
The doctor walks in, "is the pain better ?" I told him it was a trick question, he did not get the joke. One particular thing I noticed is that medical professionals do not have much sense of humour as we would like. Or maybe they see life in bare form everyday, so find nothing funny in sarcastic jokes of a cancer patient. The nurse called me, 'madam' by mistake and I told her that I am still a man, they are yet to perform the surgery. She, of course, didn't get it. My wife did, so it was very difficult for her to conceal the laughter. They ask you to drink something and attendant is watching to see if something oozes out of the body puncture. I almost felt like the cat in cartoons. Well nothing interesting happened, the water & tea went straight in stomach. I even had lunch after that.
On journey back home, we were discussing next action plan and my eldest brother told me that I have a long life barring few inconveniences later this year, which may include some surgeries. I told him, that meant two things, I need a long term pension plan and 'inconvenience' is good choice of word for an operation which involves removal of two thirds of the liver and subsequent chemotherapy.