All for Sushmita Sen

Recently I underwent a weight loss program - more out of necessity than anything else. I did loose some weight, although nothing close to advertise in papers but enough to enjoy my holiday binge. In last few years, due to lack of exercise, I had gained some weight - it was not that visible but medically speaking I was overweight. I was advised by my doctor to "manage" the weight rather than "loose" it. He is generally concerned about my health (reminds me of a story of hen that used to lay golden eggs - I just happen to be cancer patient spending much more than golden egg every month!).

When somebody approaching forty, who in appearance is not "obese", joins a health club or goes on diet, the obvious question is "Why?" - after all we live in India, we are used to being on healthy side (that too scientifically proven). Besides with the approaching age, baldness and being obese is natural - why fight it?
In my case I tell everybody that the reason is Sushmita Sen - the bollywood actress. Well the rationale is very simple, she is single (yet), beautiful, strong, independent and mature women which I would have a remote chance of impressing upon. Otherwise all this charm and lean body would naturally go waste.

As I am approaching my forty, I realized that my opportunity window of impressing species of opposite sex is getting narrower. My wife of so many years, now naturally hates me, several of my old friends know me long enough to get impressed (if at all!). There are not that many single beautiful women out there in India that one would like to impress. The only choice by deduction is Sushmita Sen. Even in terms of probabilities, it is looking good. Using simple math with 1.06 males to female ratio in 15-64 age group in India, I can count my chances with at most 2 or 3 women. If I choose my sample carefully, one of those two eligible single women could be Sushmita Sen. It is quite possible that there are several other single women but probability of me meeting them to impress them is very low. With Sushmita, being a public figure, chances of meeting her are very high. All I have to do is to choose the right time and place.

I have now also enrolled for a personal training which will enable me to develop muscular body. After all the competition is fierce for impressing Sushmita. But then it is worth the effort - did I mention she loves Bengali food, just like me?

Daily Heroes

"The Heroism we recite / Would be a normal thing", so said Emily Dickinson in her famous poem We never know how high we are. It is always interesting to see that heroism that we worship in movies and stories is actually observed in our daily lives everywhere. We always believe that heroic deeds happen only when some catastrophic or significant events happens and men, women rise to the occasion. The real heroism does not wait for significant events or wars, I see people all around us who are heroes in everyday.

The human society as we know it has created so many situations, knowingly or unknowingly, that really requires extraordinary effort to live in the moment. There are people who travel around the world to support their families, individuals go through tremendous personal challenges to make the day and yet maintain smiles on the face. Are these not the real heroes? The people who take their daughter to evening dance classes while after meeting grueling professional goals - day after day without fail, the people who sustain the losses and still start afresh on their pursuits everyday, the people who struggle to meet their daily expenses - all of them are heroes in our daily lives. One can argue that it is tough life, but that does not mean the heroics that we do everyday to make the day are any less significant than winning a war or fighting the social inequalities. People just don't write books about it - that's all.

It is of course less interesting to know how somebody made through the killing traffic to hospital to meet his father in time than an iconic hero fighting crime on silver screen. Daily stories of heroes might be small and to a great extent insignificant but they are are heroic nevertheless!

Choices We Make

It is oft said that life is a series of experiences we chose to have. Our actions are determined by the choices we make and the experiences we choose. Even then, it is many times difficult to determine what is the right choice. Is it OK to live the life by predetermined rules or is it better to be rebel and create our own path? It is always a hard choice...

If we ignore all the psycho babble in quotes, it really comes down to one's ability to deal with the situation. In daily life our reactions are many times predictable and some times accidental. We don't really get time to decide the choice we are making or its cumulative impact on our lives. Like share trader on the trading floor our decisions are instantaneous and choices momentary. with gains and losses being equally disastrous.

What would we do different if we now gain the knowledge that every decision we make will eventually impact us? Will we be more cautious or would we be completely indecisive? Is there a technique by which we know the times when to live by existing rules and when not to?

For whatever reason, I spent more time in being rebel without a cause than living by rules (even when some of the rules were particularly useful, like say, don't drink too much wine or you will die having cancer of liver...yeah right!). Now I know that some of those decisions were not really good decisions and clearly have defined rest of my life. I chose to flunk my tests in school, I chose to fall in love with several girls (some times almost simultaneously) and live with agony for rest of the life, I chose not to make lots of money by stealing, I chose to travel around the world to solve bigger social problems; all good intentions, but mostly, bad choices. Of course several of these choices were made when I was young and stupid. Would I do the same decisions again? Maybe. On a serious note, I kind of like the life I have, except maybe for "falling in love" part, which is always painful experience to have - especially now that Aishwarya Rai is married!

Dealing with Death

No matter how many reruns of Lion King you have seen or have really understood the "circle of life", it is always difficult to deal with death when it actually happens. I am particularly intrigued by the fact that even when death happens all around us, we as human beings, never seem to really get handle on reactions. I, for one, don't know how to console people who are trying to come terms with death of someone close or facing it themselves. Consoling oneself about inevitability of death does not really help. You still feel the pain, agony and despair. It is the feeling of loss or "this-is-it" moment that is really difficult to get over. I thought I would get used to it, but even today, when I check the results of my medical tests, the heart stops for a moment or two.

The fact that life (yours or somebody else's) as you know would not be around tonight, tomorrow morning or perhaps forever is very unnerving thought. While it does provide a perspective on corporate deadlines, ".. I want this ready by tomorrow morning!!" (yeah right!), it does not really help in coming to the terms with death. But on the other hand brooding over it does not help either. Then the world would be very gloomy place, everybody constantly worrying about impending doom (and of course deadlines would have no meaning).

Either due to my naivety or "getting-used-to" syndrome, I have a tendency to ignore the pain. As a cancer patient I have been programmed to think positive. I can not keep long face for very long time. The flip side of this is, I can not identify with the agony others go through while coming to the terms with death, neither can I console others. It is difficult situation indeed, I know what it feels like, but can not really tell others what they should do. In many situations I ask them to remember the happy things in their lives. It sounds sappy and even offensive, but it has worked for me many times. Remembering happy things, the smiles, the joys in your life make life worth living and gives you energy to look beyond the obvious inevitability of death. I think the best way to deal with death is focusing more on life. I focus my energy on living everyday, possibly that helps me to stay put for so many years, beating some not-so-obvious medical predictions about my life!

I really don't know how to deal with death or it's after effects, but I guess I know how to deal with life.

America Beacons

What draws people to America? Everybody in the world wants to go to America - the land of honey and gold. Paul Theroux in his The Great Railway Bazaar describes everybody's desire to go to America, from eastern Europe to distant Russian outposts in Siberia. Practically every educated Indian youth wants to go to America and settle there. Is it really the land of honey and gold? Is the dream of work hard and you will get rich (and potential harassment by IRS) so attractive? I remember my brothers and father telling me about attraction to America in 70's and 80's. I am puzzled by this attraction in modern times. The borders are opening and world is becoming more connected (as apparent by the Swine Flu epidemic spread we see now in the world - 168 countries in 2 months). Does America still hold the mass magnate characteristics with its super Walmart and drive-in McDonald?

As for me, I have been practically traveling to America every year for last several years and the things that attract me most are Double Cheeseburger, the cheap coffee, and almost wide open National Parks. Once immediately after landing at O'Hara I rushed to the first McD in sight and ordered a burger. My co-traveller, another Indian, asked about my seemingly apparent craving for beef. I told her it is America I am enjoying, not the beef.

I could never get enough of Starbucks - I always joked about spreading their evil empire around the world. I tried drinking Starbucks in Japan too, but it was not the same. I think it is America with its arrogant service staff (they call you "Sir" when they hate you!), the ignorance of anybody non-white, and general attitude of America the great - makes it worth the effort. I am sure several other people in the world also strive to be part of this great melting pot. That probably explains why McD's at international airports in America run so successfully.

I recently got a letter from US Social Security informing me about my eligibility for disability and medicare benefits based on the taxes I paid few years ago. If for nothing else, I might just go to America to avail those health benefits - I am sure an extra helping of cheeseburger and super size soda would certainly help on the medicare front!

Thank you, but No Thank You!

First reaction for another class reunion - more polite version of "No Thanks". This time it was with bunch of college classmates who claimed to be my friends. They were enthusiastic and polite. A set of people who knew me when I was young and incredulous trying to know me again. Now I am no longer young, just incredulous. Boys mainly spent time in learning about each others work and position in some fictitious hierarchy, girls meek and coy tried to establish a pseudo feminism of “me-too” in the world where their value was sagging. Meeting perfect strangers who knew only part of your life is always overwhelming experience for me. We have nothing in common, no hobbies, no relations, no references – the only thing common is that we spent considerable time together in a large building campus known as college. Most of that time was spent on ogling at girls and/or competing with each other for marks.

These people were supposed to vanish in your rear view mirror, but are, as unfortunate it is, still around and bumping on you. I did not mean they should vanish in literal sense but I always believed that the world was large enough for them not to be seen ever again. I had hoped that they all would have immigrated to some distant land and will never bother me again. That was not to be. They form the virtual communities and create mailing lists and invite you to programs where they introduce themselves again to you. It is a perfect nightmare. Eighteen years have passed since I graduated, lot of things have changed. Several class mates have become bald and/or fat. Several people did not recognize each other and some wanted to be introduced again. I wondered all the time why I was there in the first place. A place that was so unknown that it required me to realign my compass.

Thankfully, some of my life long friends were with me and we bid early good bye to the party and resorted to our own little get together. This helped in subsiding the pain or panic to a great extent. I apologized profoundly to my close friends about my requests to them about attending class reunion.

Reunions are good for people who want to be reunited with the past; I wanted to forget that past. A past spent as embarrassing youth with bunch of strangers, is not worth remembering. Very few life long friendships were formed, rest is better forgotten. People might travel all over the world to get to know each other and be reunited with the past, but for me a class reunion is a ghost from past which I would rather not visit.

My friend Abhi, was right about this after all (usually he is). Class reunion? Thank you, but no thank you!

Identity Crisis

Recently under the garb of progress Indian government announced the citizen identity program. The program is supposed to bring benefits to common man - if there is such a thing! When everybody has an unique id then how common that would be? We are not even talking about civil liberties (if there is such a thing!).
The registered identity is a funny concept to boot. In order to get one you have to have some government approved id first. Not sure how this works for the millions of people who have more survival problems than thinking about identity. For example my mother with few decades of life still does not has government "Approved" id. She never needed one. Apart from honorable mention on rationing card, she has no record with the government. Of course there are voter lists but they keep changing on the whims of issuing officer. Born in colonial days and having lived through struggle for freedom, she is perplexed about the concept. The idea that somebody would give her a number to prove her identity is foreign to her - and so to many like her. It has uncanny resemblance to the dark past in India's history.
On a lighter note this program would be last nail on abundant freedom my generation has grown up with. I had always teased my friends in western societies about their passive submission to state machinery tracking their every movement with a number, something that our government couldn't and would'nt do. Alas, that would be thing of past now.
Everybody will have a number to go by and can be identified. Think about it. You are engaged in some casual sex with a babe on a remote sea beach in India, while hauling ship load of illicit drugs and POW - in comes the police saying,"well well Mr 00784, what would your wife say if she knew about this girl, eh?"
How are you going to explain to them that they missed the last digit and are confusing you for somebody else? Talk about identity crisis in a country where proving your identity is such a difficult task.

I am not afraid, I am married!

I read the quote in the daily news paper, a man saying that he is not afraid of terrorism, he has been married for 12 years. Sounded close enough.

I wonder when did the natural process of male and female of species getting together to produce next generation turned out to be such a bounding agreement that everybody started getting afraid of it. Of course homo sapien being more "brainy" started quoting about it, but is it really that painful? Well come to think of it, you don't get male swans getting together and complaining about their long time au pair (it is observed that swans make pairs for life time), but get in any average bar or human male gathering place, the most discussed thing is long drawn marriages and problems therein.

Marriage was meant to be a simple agreement to stay together for producing off-springs and assurance of taking care of them for considerable future. With wide spread usage of contraceptives and ever growing population of humans, producing off-springs is not such a priority (in purely evolutionary terms sex is actually an incentive for producing off-springs). Thus marriage became an instrument of describing love or binding for your life - based on your perspective. It was thought to be a sacred bond. Different cultures created a context around this bond to ensure people actually stick around for longer. In medieval times breaking marriage was considered sacrilegious (effects being worse for women than men).

I am sure somewhere in the progress of civilization the entire society found out this binding for life process was artificial. So we went through cycle of self discovery. In trbial times of hunting and gathering, marriage was not binding, then we have had our modernization where we made it binding and now we are back on curve where we don't think it has to be binding any more. In fact more and more people are opting for old ways of "living together" rather than marriage. Clearly people who still have old contracts can not break them free yet, but there is hope for next generation.

In some ways marriage is fun (free housekeeping, somebody to tell you when to take pills, etc.), but is it worth the life time of bondage? I don't know. My grandfather was very brave, he had four wives. I always wondered how he managed. I have sure inherited the bravery part, I got married to the first (well technically seventh but who counts?) girl I came across and promised life time of slavery.

While discussing a loan proposal my friend casually asked me if I was afraid of taking such a risk given the large sum and limited earning potential I have. I told him I am not risk averse, I am married.